Reconditioning

I naturally wake up at 5:30 am every morning. In graduate school, I'd lay in bed and snuggle John for about 15 minutes, and then I'd gently wake him up for our morning run. We ran together every weekday morning for about 5-7 miles, and we often did longer runs on the weekends. It was that glorious time in our lives - you know - the bonding time after we got married and before we had kids.

About a mile from our apartment was this great big hill, dubbed "The Church Hill" because of the huge stone church at the summit. The hill itself was quite long and very steep - the ultimate challenge for our morning runs. When we first started that route, I would have to trick myself to get up that hill. I'd mark off short distances to run to, and then, when I got to that tree or bush or flower in the sidewalk, I'd focus on the next thing until I reached the top. I could hear the blood pumping in my ears. I'd huff and puff as if my lungs were about to explode. But most of all, there was a shaky, rubber band feeling in all of my muscles that made me wonder if I could keep going even when I did reach the summit. The more and more John and I ran that route, the easier it became. Then we started sprinting up it. We'd race to see who could get to the top fastest. We'd poke fun at the slow poke, and heaven help you if you had an off day and couldn't get to the top! That hill remained a challenge for what seemed like years.

Then we took a huge hiking trip out in the Canadian Rockies. We didn't think twice about knocking off a 20 mile hike at high elevation one day, and then another 18 miles or so the next. I don't think we did anything less than 15 mi. on any given day. The world was so beautiful! There was so much to see. There was that incredible feeling of being on a mountainous pass and seeing space like you can't imagine. The world seemed so enormous, so exquisite, so unfathomably grand. I felt weightless. My mind was so exhilarated by creation, that my body just went, one foot in front of the other, up huge mountains, through huge distance and over obstacles. There was scree. There were huge boulders. There were banks of snow with 500 ft drops if you slipped. We didn't think much of it until we got home three weeks later and realized the Church Hill was weeny. It became so easy that we could literally run up it backwards. (Now, of course, this is the best shape I had ever been in in my life - but still!)

Sixteen weeks of total bed rest does strange things to your body and mind. This morning I got breakfast for the kids and readied them for school, and I took a shower, totaling about 40 minutes on my feet. That same Church Hill feeling of rubber band muscles is back. That same need for baby steps was required just to get the kids to school today. "Just get their boots on, Kathleen. Sit on the stairs and have them come one at a time for coat zipping. Their hats, they need hats. Waddle out to the truck. Just get them signed in. Almost done. One last hug. Waddle back to the truck. Drive the 1/4 mi. home. Sit in the driver's seat until the song is over. Just over the icy driveway and back to the sofa. There. No problem." I abandoned my plan to go grocery shopping. I came in to collapse in the house. I have become a huge, bulbous, pregnant mass, huffing and puffing for breath. I have been off bed rest for one week and have somehow managed to get the kids to school (relatively) on time every day so far.

I am hoping that the birth of Darren will be likened to our trip to Alberta - so exhilarating that exertion is non-existent. I am hoping that holding him will make the journey seem like nothing. I'll look into his eyes as if I am seeing a great green glacier lake for the first time. I'll see his fingers and re-experience a distance so big that I will become insignificant. I'll run my finger down his little cheek and re-experience an awe just like I did when I came to the Valley of the Ten Peaks in Banff. I'll listen to his little coos and be drawn on with no thought of how spent I am. The excitement will be enormous. I hope that holding him will make me feel weightless again, like the exertion was effortless. Maybe his birth will trick my body into thinking the daily routine is nothing. When he is born, I am hoping I will think "I've done it." Truly. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be walking around like a pro - as if this whole thing was easy as pie - by the end of the summer. I will make it up Cardigan Mt. again, with two kids in tow and a kid on my back. I will. I might even go up the mountain backwards. You'll see.

Off Bed Rest!!!!!

Well, it is official! I am now 35 weeks, which means that Darren will most likely not spend any time in the NICU when he is born. With contractions, I can't decide if I should lay down and take it easy ..... or if I should start doing jumping jacks. I think I'll hold off on the jumping jacks until week 37. That just seems a little bit safer yet. As of Friday I have been taken off bed rest - though after 94 days of bed rest my muscles are so dilapidated that I still can't do much. But I have managed to do some fun new things with my new found freedom.

I have started to seek out time with some of the people I have missed most! This morning I had breakfast with Emily Twarog, and I could not believe how wonderful it was to see her after so long. There are few things nicer than having coffee and a muffin with a friend you haven't gotten to spend time with in months. And I was really relieved that visiting with her was both comfortable and comforting.

I also started a few new projects .... one of which is a Tennessee Waltz quilt. I'll post pictures soon. But it is coming along nicely. The stars look so simple, and yet, I am still really trying to get all of my points to match, while keeping the blocks true and flat ..... much easier said than done. So far, I am pleased with the outcome.

Then, my neighbor, Deb, inspired me to make a braided rug. It is something I have attempted in the past but haven't ever finished - most likely because I didn't feel like taking the time to deal with the finding, cutting and folding of fabric which is required to keep it neat. But then I decided to make one out of wool roving that I had laying around. Raw edge problem solved! I braided up about 45 yards of roving rope, felted it and started sewing it together today. What a luxurious feeling to have a thick felted rug under your feet! I should have it sewn by tomorrow. This rug is small and will go next to my bed so that my feet won't freeze anymore when I wake up. It is a test rug, to see how it holds up and wears over time. If I like it, I'd like to make a natural colored area rug for my bedroom once the addition is finished. Pictures of this project will also be posted soon too.

And lastly, today I spent a little time bird watching. For the first time, I got to see an entire flock of bohemian waxwings up close out of my dinning room window. The flock was about 75 to 100 birds and they would perch all together in the top of a tall poplar at the edge of the yard and then swoop down to feast on the rotten apples in our tree. Unlike cedar waxwings, bohemian waxwings have rust colored feathers under their tails and the very tips of their tails have a brilliant yellow stripe. I was fortunate not to have my camera at hand - fortunate because I tend to miss just watching when I try to photograph and I wouldn't have wanted to miss the experience of just enjoying them. But here is a picture of what they look like, taken by a birdwatcher in Alberta. His blog is "For the Birds" and it is worth checking out if you are interested in fowl. They are delightful to watch and I hope you get to see some, if you haven't ever before.

But now it is 8:30 and my day was filled with such physical activity that I have been in bed for an hour. And I am ready for sleep. Here's to you Darren! Keep growing. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Random Thoughts

Well, here is the 34th week. Only six weeks to go until the due date, and I am fully prepared to stay pregnant until March 31. However, I am not .... I repeat .... I am not prepared for being pregnant on April 1. I bet that means I am in serious trouble.

I have been home from the hospital now for 2 weeks. So far, so good. At my appointment Friday, they even said I could start moving a bit - modified bed rest, if you will. And so I have been home, and have ignored my blog. Why? Because there are so many interesting things to do when on modified bed rest, as apposed to all the way bed rest. Quilting for one. Eating brownies for another. And definitely making up for all the time that I missed with my kids. This last week we have read hours and hours of the Little House books. My kids are devouring them. And today, a friend of ours had us over for dinner. It was the first outing I have had that is not medically related since Christmas Day when I vegged out at Don and Dori's house.

And so, I thought I'd tell you about some of the pregnancy things that I really don't like. For one, why do strangers have a tendency to pat my belly? And what is it about the pregnant belly glance? Am I really that huge that you can't quite keep your eyes off it? Wait. Don't answer that. And why is it that everyone likes to tell me all about their pregnancy? I don't want to hear it. I want to talk about something else for once. How about the weather? How about a book? When are you going to tap your trees? And how are the ice dams on your roof? For Pete's sakes, what happens in the world outside of my limited space?

And what is it with my random pregnancy panic? For example, after my last appointment, I did have the wonderful pleasure of sitting in the cube next to John's while he gave a presentation at work before taking me home. My, it had been a long time since I had been in public. And I was thinking, as I was sitting there, how incredibly uncomfortable office chairs can be. Then I started up with contractions, every 6 to 10 minutes or so. And I was wondering, for the first time, what .... oh what .... am I going to do if my water breaks right here and now in John's office? I was thinking, no one in the immediate area could really handle it but Ross. And then Ross got up to leave. I was wondering if I should stop him and say, "oh, Ross, don't go .... where ever you are going." But I bit my tongue and let him go. He came back a few minutes later - presumably after a printer run - and the day ended just fine. John came back, shortly afterward and whisked me off to the relative safety of my truck to go home. Just a random moment of pregnancy panic washed under the bridge. I am becoming a worry wart.

And that is what is happening in my life.

Day 85

Today is day 85 of laying down - 37 of those days were spent in the hospital. Can I make it? My endurance is running low. I am 32 wks and 2 days into this pregnancy leaving me with 7 wks 5 days until my due date. Listlessness is consuming me since my quilting is done on our 10th anniversary quilt. More watercoloring today, I suppose. And watching the snow drift down all quiet and serene on the wild turkeys out the window. Maybe John's mom will make me a cup of tea. Tea makes the world seem a bit brighter. Thank goodness I am not enduring this during the summer. I think that may have permanently crushed me.