Thanksgiving Day

Yesterday I had the most difficult doctor's appointment I have ever had in my whole life. It seems my cervix just is not wanting to cooperate with Darren (the name we have chosen for our son) and me. It just keeps getting shorter and shorter. But the end of my cervix is still closed, even if it is threatening to pop open at any moment. The conversation with the doctor that followed the ultrasound was the hardest one I have ever had.

I can't really describe the fear and frustration and angst that I have; I am not feeling peaceful or calm. Today is Thanksgiving Day. I am trying to remain positive .... and thankful. And when I think of a thing I am thankful for it doesn't seem to outweigh my dread of the impending three months ahead of John and me. But it does help to think of ALL the things I am grateful for collectively. That seems to keep me sane. So I will share it with you, in no particular order.

I am thankful ...

1. to be married with John, who has been unbelievably tender and loving and supportive during this pregnancy and during all of the issues I have had since Cora was born.

2. to feel (and see) Darren kicking so fiercely and that I am (already) 22.5 weeks along

3. for my children who are handling having a prone mother rather well

4. for everyone at Christ Redeemer Church who has so faithfully cared for us with food and childcare and emotional support .... really there has been such an overwhelming love from them all that I can't count my blessings from church

5. for a God who has been faithful to me even when I have not been faithful to Him.

6. for Jon and Lara who are coming over to celebrate Thanksgiving with us .... and for providing turkey even though Lara is 8+ months pregnant.

7. to have all the friends who have just popped in for a visit or who have called to check up on me

8. to be able to type and read and do little projects .... which has helped to combat boredom

9. for my mother-in-law

10. for warm socks and lots of blankets to keep me warm

11. for high speed internet

12. to hear Cora's contagious laughter and for her wrinkled up nose

13. for a house full of craft supplies

14. for Seth's never ending supply of pictures to cheer me up.

15. for good books

16. to have five brothers and sisters

17. for my rooster that reminds me another day has passed with his crow

18. that there is music in my life

19. that John took me outside to watch the moon rise the other night and for Cora who said "Don't worry, Mom, I won't tell the doctors you are naughty."

20. for laughter

21. my children have such a carefree life

22. my sense of smell is serving me well and I can smell and taste great food (another reason to not want to go to the hospital)

23. for a blog that can help me to refocus

24. for a God who has blessed me with all these things.