31 Weeks!

Today marks 31 weeks! Can you believe it? I have been in bed for 77 days and have been in the hospital for 31. Somehow it seems surreal that Darren is still growing in me! There is a hope that they may release me next Sunday, though I would still be on bed rest at home. However, I have remained fairly stable, though I have had a couple of incidents where I was unsure if my contractions would subside.

Most of the time I am exceedingly grateful for my stability, but there is a vague part of me that is slightly embarrassed. It may sound silly, but I am pretty convinced I will actually make it to 41 weeks without delivering - which seems so anticlimactic. What a drama this all seems. Sometimes I truly wonder if I am over reacting or being a wimp, especially when I feel fine. But deep inside, I know that isn't really the case. No one is hospitalized for 31 days for no cause. I do think I would have delivered without the weekly shot of drugs to stop and prevent further preterm labor. And I do believe that laying down for 77 days has prevented gravity from causing my cervix to dilate further. And I am grateful that I was given surfactant for the baby's lungs to develop faster. And I did find it a comfort to have so many ultrasounds to determine Darren is not only holding on, but actually thriving. And I am grateful for the security and safety I feel in the hospital regarding my own health. So if I make it to 41 weeks, I shall be grateful for all the safe guards I was provided and I will rejoice in the birth of my son. Even if the whole experience has been incredibly humbling.

I am feeling rather emotional about the whole thing. It has been rather intense. So please, no jokes or jests if I do make it to term. I don't think I would be a very good sport. But feel free to rejoice with us.