Advent

My childhood met Christmas with delicious excitement, a candlelight service and a short night of sleep. I rose before dawn and snuck down to see the Christmas tree and what seemed like thousands and thousands of presents.

At some point, and I am not sure exactly where, the superficial joy of Christmas morning faded, and I began to savor the richness of Advent more. I starting finding solace from the deaths, losses and disappointments I encountered over the years. The loss of John's grandparents. The loss my grandmother. Multiple pregnancy losses. Watching the struggles of friends, family and neighbors as they fought life's battles. The degradation of human dignity is not softened by old age, nor by death's swiftness, as I once thought. I don't believe we were meant for death or even suffering.

There are four weeks of advent: the week of hope, the week of peace and love, the week of joy , the week of remembering God upholds his promises. This year, while on bed rest, I have clung to advent. I remember that the neither death nor struggle can conquer me because of the faith I have in my God. This advent I cling to the belief that God is good, powerful, righteous and just. I pray that belief is not shaken by the outcomes of this pregnancy or by Darren's long term health. Rather, I pray God's character is revealed through a focus on the blessings rather than the struggle. I want to throw the fetters of pessimism and negativity. I want to see the goodness in the world around me - even doctors I don't trust.

I cherish the events and traditions we have started to take the focus off of the things found under the tree. Christmas is richer than that. It is a time for hope, joy, compassion, peace, love, optimism, faith, spirituality and reflection. Still there should be fun. And I still delight in old school candy canes, glasses of eggnog, steamy cups of hot chocolate after a snowball fight, mad dashes down the hill on a sled, the sound of skates on ice.