I was arrested.
Charge: dangerously incompetent cervix.
Found guilty.
Sentence: solitary confinement at Fletcher Allen Hospital in Burlington, VT - 2 hours from Canaan.
Length of time to serve: from now until I have my baby.
At my appointment yesterday, our fears of not being able to come home were realized. During my routine weekly visit they found my cervix funneled open still further and is only 0.6 cm long. I was having contractions. Normally, Dartmouth-Hitchcock is the hospital people are transfered to instead of from, but true to form, things never go my way. They had a bed for me, but the NICU beds were all full, so they transfered me to Fletcher Allen in case I deliver. Hopefully I'll be back at Dartmouth-Hitchock before Christmas. They are hoping a NICU bed will open up there so I can be closer to my family and with my established doctors there.
Darren is completely healthy and fine. He measured out to be 1lb 11 oz (7oth percentile!) last night. He is vivacious and kicking a ton. Unfortunately, there is no way to measure his lung development. At this point every day in the (very slow) slow cooker counts.
The hospital food begins. I couldn't cut my chicken last night. It was too rubbery. I literally had difficulty stabbing it with my fork and the knife was useless. But the mashed potatoes were real and the overly roasted veggies were passable.
I am a gooped up pin cushion. I am gooped from the 3 ultrasounds, the babies heart-rate monitor and the contraction monitor. I am a pin cushion from all the shots and IVs they have given me.
And so the plot has thickened.
I feel like Edmond Dantes and am glad this will last (hopefully) 14 weeks and not 14 years. I imagine I have a stone to carve the wall: "God will give me justice".
In all honesty, I have often feel smote by God. (Did you know that the past tense of smite is smote? I just learned that a few minutes ago.) But, for the moment at least, I don't ..... even though I would like to feel angry, I don't. I just feel terribly alone. So God, if you are reading this blog, I wouldn't mind if you showed up here right now.
He is there!!!!! He never leaves us......As I sit here with tears down my face, I have no words for you. Only----- I LOVE YOU and so does HE!!!!! He already knew you would write this blog........I am praying. WHat foods would you like to see appear there? You never know when the food fairy will apppear. Any cravings or wants?????
ReplyDeletePraying for you!!!!!!!!!! Please keep us posted. Let me know what you need me to do to help with the kids once your M-I-L leaves. We can round up help at IRNS.
ReplyDeleteDear Kathleen, I'm so sorry to read this. Did you at least get a room with a window to gaze out at the sun and moon?
ReplyDeleteI can't help but wonder how many women in a similar condition will read your blog and end up feeling not so alone...You have such a wonderful way with words.
As Alisa said, please let us know how we can help on the home front. A lot of us are right around the corner from your house; it would be so easy for us.
Sending you warm wishes for strength, inspiration, patience and good food!
Hang in there, Kathleen! We are praying for you and baby Darren. When you're feeling defeated, go back and read your Thanksgiving blog post. Even when the going gets tough, remember that God has blessed you tremendously and more blessings are to come! Wish we were closer so we could keep you company for a little while.
ReplyDeleteOh no! I'm so sorry you've been moved so far from home. I really hope a bed opens up soon down here so you can be closer to your doctors, loved ones and support system. Hang in there, with every day that goes by he's getting stronger and stronger. Tim, Lidia, Adeline, and I are all keeping you in our thoughts and rooting for you and baby Darren.
ReplyDeleteKathleen, I'm so sorry to hear this! But it is good that both you and Darren are where you can get instant help if needed. I'll call the house and get a phone number for you. I know John's mom is there now, but I am able to hop a plane this afternoon if needed. We all love you so much! Remember, everything is for a season. Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteI just heard about your incarceration.
ReplyDeleteOur prayers are for you and Darren. John, Cora, and Seth are in our prayers too.
Just know that all of CRC is here for your family now. Let us know what you need.
Kathleen! Thanks for the update and praise God that Darren is in great shape! One bright side - once you get transferred to DHMC life will get so much better... you have that hospital and it's food (and proximity to all of us) to look forward to! :))
ReplyDeleteKathleen,
ReplyDeleteYou're in our prayers. I'm glad you're not feeling smote. God is with you there in your solitary confinement.
Emily
PS. Thanks for the awesome ornament idea/tutorial. I've already made three.
Kathleen:
ReplyDeleteYou, John and your kiddos are in our thoughts and prayers. Can you post your address so that we can send you stuff? We LOVE to send stuff!!
Kyle and Jody
No one in this whole world loves you in quite the way that I do, though I'm sure you are loved by many. Remember that when you feel alone. And so I am here to speak some words you long to hear. May the peace of Christ be with you.
ReplyDelete